Editor Application; Penguiduck

[Penguiduck]

Name: Penguiduck
Activity? I try to get on at least several times a day even when I am busy [aka right now].
Do you own any sites? Yes. I own both Jaharaah and Tales Collection. If you would like to see links, please ask.
How well are you experienced with Proboards? I would say that I'm fairly experienced with the system; I know how to manage codes decently and since I've been running sites for several years, I am familiar with its properties.
Special Job: Editor probably, but I'll go wherever you need me.
Why? I like this site and the people here. Scribbles has wonderful administrators (I'm not sucking up. I'm telling the truth, I promise. <3) and I would very much like to help continue the legacy. Writing is a passionate hobby of mine and I write on a regular basis regardless of what about. I am currently an editor on another Writing forum, although its activity is waning and I'm hoping to steer my efforts toward something more beneficial. It seems as though all of the members who post material on this site tend to stick around, while members tend to post stories and then disappear on other writing sites. Besides, a lot of the members here are quite helpful. They return the favor after they receive critiques and such.

As for my skills, I have often been told that my writing is quite good and I know for a fact that my grammar is better than the average person's. I'm willing to not only critique but also to help members with generic writing-- working on specific aspects of writing, testing grammar, etc. I believe that I am a good candidate because I have experience in writing and editing the work of other people.

How long have you been writing? Since I could-- probably around seven years old. It wasn't very good writing but I tried. XD
Short Writing Sample:

It was a dark hour. A wave came, its powerful grasp dragging me beneath the surface of the ocean, and despite my beaten and broken body, I struggled to return to the surface. Never before had I see the sea so furious, so full of malice and rage as though it had taken great offense from the Gods themselves. Yet, my lungs cried for a breath, a lifesaving breath of air, the nectar of life itself, and I found my way to the surface again, though not without a fight. The waves continued to come, its youthful vengeance never ending. For a moment, my conscious thoughts diverted from struggling to keep afloat to how long this torture would last; it seemed that the ocean would remain in its current state forever, that it was the day of Armageddon, that the Gods chose to flood the gracious earth to punish its peoples.

...but what had I done wrong?

The salt and sand of the ocean crept into my mouth as I sputtered, trying to be rid of that wretched, potent taste of seawater. I had been struggling for what seemed like forever, and the water was winning. Still, I would not give up as long as I had strength left within me. All the same, this fight was draining and I felt beaten as my body was tossed among the violent waves. A clap of thunder answered the crashing sea as I continued to fight. My muscles cried out in pain; I realized that I would never be able to over-power the ocean, for it had more stamina than I. Thus, the world blackened, my energy finally exhausted. I slipped from thought and time, allowing the raging waters to decide my fate.

Upon consideration of your application, you will be asked to edit one short piece of writing. I'm ready.

[twilight]

Critique this: (and don't worry about hurting feelings, this was made deliberately bad. Just critique this as you would anything else.)

Spring time memorys swum through Rumor's mind as she trudged through the fallen snow. Pretty flowers, sweet sense, newborn pups. What wasnt to love about spring and the pleasure it brought. She loved flower. She love the scents. She loved the pups. The purply husky sighed dramatically; winter was far from her favorite season. Bunches of all the snow icey coldness death, and lack of prey it brang. What was there to loved? Rumor glanced around her, looking grassy shrubs springing up from between the brown rocks, pink and yellow flowers sprinkling the ground, tall green pine trees. instead of the barren mountainside where all you could see for miles was white, frosty snow. Rumor wrinkeld her black nose, just the thought of it made her shiver, even more so as she struggled through it.

As if on key, she plunged a foot or two into a snow drift, with a small yelp, she was gone in a blink of the eye, she emerged seconds later, scrounging around for her dignity, grateful no one was around see her plunder, now covered in white dust from head to to, be more careful! She told herself, these snow pockets could be quite dangerous on halfrock Mountain, especially for the younger untrainded dogs. What a role-model I would be, she thought sarcasticallie as she padded quickly away from the frozen drift. With a quick shake, she sent the snow flying and started her own miniature blizzard flying. Breifly, her thoughts wondered back to the wonders of spring. I could be bouncying-happy right now, instead I'm forced to glower through this muck. She wondered sourly, abating all attempts to keep postive. What was the use in a frozen land like this?

[Penguiduck]

First impression: I'm assuming that this passage is far from over, seeing as there is little plot involvement thus far. While you did a decent job expanding upon the ideas within Rumor's mind, there are quite a few grammatical aspects which can be fixed-- no need to worry; I'll walk you through the ones that I catch. ^-^

Spring time memorys [memories] swum I believe that the correct tense here is "swam." "Swum" is only used when a helping very precedes the alternate tense of "swim." through Rumor's mind as she trudged through the fallen snow The description here lacks detail-- yes, she is trudging through fallen snow but there is more to winter than just a bit of snow. What about the weather? Is it still snowing? And what kind of snow? Do small flakes litter the ground or has there been an eight-foot blizzard? Be descriptive.. Pretty flowers, sweet sense [scents], newborn pups. While I understand what you're saying, the way that you phrased this is a little odd. The idea jumps far too much for it to make any logical sense. Personally, I would attach it to the next sentence. "Pretty flowers, sweet scents, newborn pups... what wasn't to love about spring..." What wasn[']t to love about spring and the pleasure it brought. [?] Because this last part is a question, it should end with a question mark. Makes sense, right? She loved flower. She love the scents. She loved the pups. I can understand why you would use this sort of phrasing but I don't think that it adds to the flow here. In fact, I think it's rather distracting. Rephrase it so that it is more descriptive-- don't talk solely about the facts. Talk about why she likes the things that she does. For example: "She loved the smell of the moist air after April showers and the perfume of daisies but, most of all, she loved she loved pups, particularly the way they cooed for attention..." The purply "Purply" really isn't a word. "Purple" itself is an adjective, however, and will suffice when it comes to describing the husky. Other than that, it is an interesting color choice for a dog. XD husky sighed dramatically; winter was far from her favorite season This is quite odd. I know that this is fiction but even most fictions need to have some sort of realism to them. Rumor is a husky; huskies naturally love the cold weather. In fact, they don't do well in the warmth at all because of their thick coats. Why wouldn't she love the winter? . Bunches of all the snow "Bunches of snow?" That reminds me of honey nut cherrios for some reason-- cereal in general, really. I've never heard of snow being described in "bunches" before. Perhaps something like "piles" or "floods" would work better. icey [icy] coldness This is repetitive. "Icy" and "coldness" are synonyms so I wouldn't use them to describe each other. death Death? Yes, plants die in the winter but that's about it... besides, a lot of that begins in the autumn. o.O; And the plants are reborn again in the spring so it's not really something that I associate winter with. What makes the husky associate the two? It's a bit dramatic, if you ask me., and lack of prey it brang. [brought.] The above isn't a sentence and I don't think it would do well to stand as one. As in the case before, I would attach it to the next statement. "A flood of snow, frigid wind and a lack of prey... what was there to love?" What was there to loved [love]? Rumor glanced around her[self], looking grassy shrubs springing up from between the brown rocks, pink and yellow flowers sprinkling the ground, tall green pine trees. Let's start fresh with the above sentence. While it is not exactly a run-on, there are aspects of it which don't make it grammatically correct and difficult to read. If you're ever in doubt about the flow of a sentence, simply read it out loud and judge for yourself. I would rewrite it as such: "Rumor glanced around herself, noticing the grassy shrubs springing from between the rocks, pink and yellow flowers littering the ground, evergreens reaching toward the sky." You see, you need that consistency between phrases so that they are easily separated into different ideas, hence why every piece of the sentence had to have a -ing verb. This is something called parallel structure which most English teachers will stress. It makes the sentence sound better anyway. instead [Instead] This needs to be capitalized. of the barren mountainside where all you So far, you have mentioned no other characters other than the husky herself so I don't see where the second person comes into this. Remember to avoid using different tenses unless absolutely necessary. Here, I would replace "you" with "one" or simply avoid the structure altogether. "...mountainside which was covered in snow for miles around..." could see for miles was white, frosty snow Once again, this is repetitive. Snow is obviously white and frosty, yes? No need to repeat it. A simple "snow" should suffice unless you wish to use another synonym. Also, the above is not a sentence either. You'll need to add something to the end such as "...she saw different aspects of the land." . Rumor wrinkeld [wrinkled] her black nose, Here, you need to begin a new sentence or use a conjunction. just the thought of it What exactly is "it?" made her shiver, even more so as she struggled through it Are you referring to the same "it?" Be specific; if all fails, go back to using the original noun. It clears things up quite a bit..

As if on key On key? I don't think I've ever heard of that before... are you sure that you don't mean "on cue?", she plunged a foot or two I'd be a bit more descriptive here... she either plunged one or two feet into the snowdrift-- there is no in between. The key to good writing is to be concise and avoiding any informal language unless it is in dialog. into a snow drift, Begin a new sentence here for clarity. with a small yelp, she was gone in a blink of the eye Personally, I would avoid using such clichéd lines in writing. , Again, you'll need another new sentence. she emerged seconds later, scrounging around for her dignity, grateful no one was around see her plunder, now covered in white dust from head to to, be more careful! If you've taken my previous suggestion to start a new sentence, I would write the following like this: "She emerged seconds later, scrounging for her dignity, and grateful that no one was around to see her plunder. A coat of white dust had found itself sprinkling the husky from head to toe. Be more careful! she told herself..." Thoughts ought to be separated from regular, writing by the way. Personally, I think that italics work the best. She told herself, these snow pockets could be quite dangerous on halfrock [Halfrock] Because it is the name of a formal place, it ought to be capitalized. Mountain, especially for the younger untrainded [untrained] dogs. Because the "she told herself" has been added [in my example at least] to the last statement of thoughts, I would simply italicize the new section without any indication of thought since the definition of italicize text has already been previous established. What a role-model I would be, Again, italicized text would be a concise and clever way to show a thought process. she thought sarcasticallie [sarcastically] as she padded quickly away This could just be a persona preference but I prefer "away quickly" as opposed to what you have for right now. There's nothing grammatically wrong with the present setting, however, so go with whatever floats your boat. from the frozen drift. With a quick You used the word "quickly" not too long ago so I would avoid using the same word [even if it's in a different form] so soon. Try something else like "crisp" which I think would fit the text quite well. shake, she sent the snow flying "Sent the snow flying" seems so informal. I would rewrite it like this: "...shake, the snow flew from her coat in a spray of ice..." and started her own miniature blizzard flying This last part can use some work. Assuming that you took my advice from the first part, this is what I would do: "...spray of ice and prompted a small blizzard of her own.". Breifly [Briefly], her thoughts wondered I believe that "wandered" is the correct term here. While "wondered" is very thought oriented, a thought itself does not wonder. It is like saying that thoughts think which is absurd. To wander, on the other hand, is to meander which is what I think you are trying to say. back to the wonders of spring. I could be bouncying-happy o.O; "Bouncying-happy?" I've never heard of such a term. Since this is a thought directly from the character's head, I suppose that you could keep it as is if it attributes to Rumor but if not, I would rewrite it. "I could be bouncing along happily..." right now, New sentence here; right now, it's a run-on. instead I'm forced to glower To glower is to stare intensely with hate. While glowering at snow is quite possible, it doesn't make a direct comparison with bouncing along happily. I'd use "trample" as opposed to "glower." through this muck. Remember your italics. Also, if you aim for the next part to become attached with these thoughts, no period is needed. A humble comma will do. She wondered sourly, abating all attempts to keep postive To "keep positive" is very informal language. I would rephrase this so that the language is more neutral. "...abating all attempts to retain a positive attitude.". What was the use in a frozen land like this? This last question states her thoughts nicely. XD

Final word: As you can see from all of the color, this piece needs quite a bit of revising, though there is definitely room for improvement. ^-^ I do have to say that your writing left me a little bit confused; here this husky is, grumbling about the negatives of winter, when, from what I understand, winter is already melting away into her favorite season. What exactly is the thought process going on in her head? The fact that this is a purple husky also adds to my curiosity-- what are you writing this for? XD Anyway, good luck with your revision! If you need any help, don't be afraid to give me a poke.

...I'll be honest. Anyone who writes like this I will beat with a stick. A big stick. This critique gave me a headache. x.x; You really did a good job, making this bad, Twi.

[twilight]

-laughs- Maybe I'll make this a bit less bad, for yours and my sake. It's a pain to read everyone's critiques. XD

That was a roleplay host for some site I used to be on, hence the purple husky who hates winter. Wierd, I know. I left it soon after a joined.

Accepted![/color]

[Penguiduck]

^-^ Thanks! I'll try to be as active as I can.